雅思写作：3分钟学会一个雅思7分句系列(五十九)

雅思写作：3分钟学会一个雅思7分句系列(五十八)

       应对

　　Some people prefer famous brands of clothing, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

　　这个题目

　　学生在主体部分某段第一句写了下面这句话：

　　When facing a variety of products, well-known brands become some people’s first option since brands usually stands for its quality and advancement, having longer years of accumulations and researches.

　　修改后如下：

　　When consumers are facing a variety of products, well-known brands are some’s first choice, as they, with years of production experience, are sold on better practicality and durability.

　　原文两处分词短语结构，分别充当时间状语(facing a variety of products)和原因状语(having longer years of accumulations and researches)，但facing句的逻辑主语“people”和主句主语“brands”未保持一致，having句原因状语成分置于句末(位于句首更符合用语习惯)。

　　调整后，为时间状语添上主语consumers，设置with复合结构作原因插入在句中。

　　since通常表已知的原因，句子重心放在主句上，因此调整成as引导的原因状语，侧重点偏移至所分析的原因上。

　　advancement 提升/晋升，用词不准，修改为practicality and durability实用性和耐用性

　　be sold on 以…为卖点

　　小总结

　　观点论证中，明确句子的侧重点也很重要，句子成分轻重颠倒的话更会句不达意，论证的力度就相应弱了。